JESUS, PROTECT ME FROM YOUR FOLLOWERS!!!

The Boston Herald reports that Happy cartoon icon SpongeBob SquarePants is just a little too gay for one conservative Christian group that charges that Bikini Bottom's most famous resident is a homosexual. Focus on the Family is up in arms about a music video created by the We Are Family Foundation that shows the popular porous cartoon character and several other kids' favorites dancing to the Sister Sledge song, ``We Are Family.'' The group claims SpongeBob & Co. are promoting a ``pro-gay agenda.''
``We see the video as an insidious means by which the organization is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids,'' Paul Batura, a spokesman for Focus on the Family, told the New York Times. ``It is a classic bait and switch.'' The Times reported that the group's head, James Dobson, also attacked SpongeBob at a pre-inauguration black-tie dinner in Washington, D.C. Tuesday night. Dobson apparently believes that SpongeBob and his cartoon sidekick, Patrick - who are often seen holding hands - are secretly practicing the Love That Dares Not Speak Its Name.
And the Nickelodeon superstar's taste in television - he enjoys the imaginary ``Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy'' - was also called into question. The attempted outing of SpongeBob is bound to generate as much controversy as Jerry Falwell's 1999 pronouncement that purple Teletubby Tinky Winky was gay because he carried a purse.